Thursday and Friday this week were spent getting ready for DOD’s visit (Desk Officer Dave) on Saturday. He got here mid-afternoon and seemed to like our flat (remarkably clean – not that we’d feverishly cleaned it just before he arrived, or anything…). We got on with one-to-one interviews which was a chance to discuss the project in private, before being taken to a banquet organised by the school. Josh was highly apologetic that there was no alcohol, but Dave was thrilled. Apparently the schools in Kuitun managed to get him smashed the night before. We were given milk instead; when asked what sort of milk it was, Josh replied, ‘Uighur milk’. ‘Oh, no,’ Dave corrected, ‘I meant, what sort of animal does it come from?’. ‘Uighurs,’ was the slightly confused reply. All sorts of inappropriate questions came to mind. For those who are wondering, turns out it was Coconut milk.

Dave also managed to talk us into Dance Classes for students. ‘Tom is very good at Scottish dancing!’ he insisted to the headmaster, indicating me, ‘he would really like to start a club!’. Well, as you can imagine, they were all over that. Ta Dave. Now I have to learn how to do Ceilidh dancing vaguely competently so I can teach it to other people. Pity neither me nor Tom are actually Scottish; my only exposure to ceilidhs is from Project Trust events (two, in total).

The next morning I was up at 7am to book train tickets. Turns out whoever told me they become available at 7am was lying or wrong, because they remained stubbornly unavailable until 8.30. Good job I was up, though, as they sold out very quickly. Thanks to CTrip and some mean refreshing reflexes, I got me and Calum sleeper tickers for an overnight to Xi’an on the 20th. Oh, did I say ‘overnight’? I probably should have said, ‘over two nights’. I’m glad we got sleeper bunks.

Next it was a quick walk to school for a formal board meeting for Dave’s benefit. A couple of teachers introduced mine and Tom’s contributions and lifestyle via PowerPoint. We were bombarded with grapes and oranges as well as green tea throughout. Dave said his bit, and we both added a sentence or two at the end – the main conclusion seemed to be that both the school and Project Trust were perfectly happy with the project (as were we) and long may it continue to run. They gave him a ceremonial 25-year Anniversary (of the school) plate and there were many handshakes. I was given the important task of guarding Dave’s plate for the duration of the visit. Dave also managed to secure me a bike… in six months’ time, after the Winter.

Outside, while we waited for the car, Tom managed to break Dave slightly. See, he’s been on crutches since an unfortunate slam dunk in Jiujiang (a project in Jiangxi) while playing basketball. He was telling us about how into the sport he is, and bemoaning the lack of basketball courts on Coll. ‘Well,’ Tom offered, ‘why don’t you play on the one over there?’ He was very proud of himself for being the first person to make Dave swear in China.

We headed home to finish the interviews and then went to a Pollo place for lunch via the hotel. I was asked for the plate. Ha haa. The plate. That would be back at the apartment. All in all, despite being a technically successful project, Tom pissed DOD off immensely and I brought shame on myself, my ancestors and the family cow by neglecting my one all-important job. But it’s OK: he’d already given us the Galaxy bar he gave to each pair by that point, and that’s what really matters.

—TJC

Featured image: DOD being presented with his plate.